A version of melancholy

So I was told melancholy means something different than what I thought. But I still use my own meaning, which is to dwell in the bittersweet memories. I enjoy my melancholy. I think that's why I like emo. Also I tend to have a lot of internal dialogue. I feel sad when I am home alone and feel like I should be out doing something with my life. I feel like slipping through my fingers like sand. But I enjoy feeling these feelings because that's part of what's life about. Also isn't there some quote saying that a life not reflected upon is not a life lived. I believe it is by one of the transcendentalist philosophers. Also I hadn't had one of these melancholy moments in awhile, so I think I've made some progress in my living life to its fullest. So let's take a little inventory of my life. I'm currently hanging out with two guys, who are love interest possibilities. Oh possibility,it is a great word. I feel like my heart got restarted when I went to Cincinnati to visit Ryan, although I originally placed the meaning of it on Ryan and my affection for him. But I think it is broader than that. Lessons were learned, experiences made by that Cincy trip. It put me in the position to be able to seriously let some one in, to actually date someone, which I have wanted to for so long, but could never actually let happen. So we will see what happens in the new year if Cappy or Bulgar end up turning into anything. On the job front, I like being a barista, my efficiency keeps on getting better, and I think I've gotten better at maintaining a good attitude throughout my shift and connecting with customers. However, with the new manager, I am not getting enough hours. She tries and I can see she that any hours that she has to give she does give them to me. So I need to look for another stream of income because I do have the time to take up another job. And I need to put my bitching and whining about money into action. On a side note, I broke my phone a couple weeks ago, so I lost all my numbers, which kind of is a blessing in that it purged me of all the old contacts and I can start with a clean slate and not feel guilt about the people I lost contact with even though I had their number in my phone. So I feel a little unburdened. Well I feel better after writing and coming to these realizations.

Once again, this time with feeling...

So, two and half years later, here I am realizing I had this when I went to comment on a friends blog. I had forgotten all about it. I do believe a little recapping is in order. I went to Europe a couple of times. First to Ireland, I lived and tried to find a job in Dublin. I failed at the job part, but oh well. I met a lot of lovely people. I learned a wee bit about being an immigrant, and how lovely it is to have English as my native language. I came home early since I ran out of money, but I came home just in time to be there for my best friend from growing up having her baby as well as attending Allyson's and Jesse;s wedding. The second time was in the spring of 2008, where I studying in Bosnia and Croatia and traveled all around Europe. I realized my love of the Balkans in all its eccentricities. I ended up focusing on learning BCS for the remainder of my college career over french. I gave up on french for now. So yes, I graduated with a degree in Euro Studies. I currently live in Capitol Hill for the next week and then I move to Belltown.

I think this time around I will figure out what I want to accomplish with this blog and actually have a focus.

This post was written at Espresso Vivace, Capitol Hill, Seattle, WA.

Love is the air

So indeed it is that time of the year. And so many of my friends are pairing up. Not more than 2 hours ago we were toasted to the engagement of my friends, Allyson and Jesse. He had proposed last weekend so some the girls threw them a party at my house. It was fun. Barlow, a guy who I had not sen since last June, was there. I've missed Barlow but that's a side note. Three of my roommates are officially boyfriend/girlfriend with their mates. It's cute. But it makes me think "What about me?" and "Do I even want a boyfriend?" The answer is not right now. I will not get sucked into the pity me downward spiral. I feel like it would be hard to have one now knowing that I'll be gone for possibly 6 months in Ireland and France. C'est la vie. I'm too busy living my life and enjoying my single-girl ways. Only two months and 8 days till Europe!

How lovely it is...

The trees in the Quad are in bloom. They are so pretty for that one or two weeks in the year. There are so many photographers out. So with the campus being so pretty, I invited my parents down to see the campus (My father has been bugging me to give them my version of a tour of campus since I've been here 3 years now). My Dad happily accepted. So I cleaned my room the day before they got there and my roommates remarked that they had never seen it that clean. But when my parents got there they were not impressed. I got the "it looks half-way decent in here" and lectured about not doing my dishes because my mother recognized a dish of mine in the sink. Then we went to lunch and I told them about my plans. They already knew about the Ireland trip and still wonder why I am doing it. But I have new more extensive plans for the rest of my school year. I am applying to the Paris in the Fall program and want to do a Brussels program for Spring semester. I laid the news on them before we were even seated in the restaurant. I thought my Dad would be happy and excited and my Mom weary of it. Instead I got a "hmm..." and my mom didn't talk until we sat down at the table and asked if this was why I had invited them down. And I'll tell you that that wasn't the reason it was the pretty campus and Dad asking me before. It wasn't till after I asked them that I thought about it. So the second question was how was I going to pay for this. I told them that I would get loans. And I would stay there from June to December and fly back and then fly out in January. I knew my Mom would be hesitant and she was and is and stayed quiet about. As you will notice with my family, we don't argue or yell, we are just quiet and calmly disapproving and then we change the subject. Speaking of which, after eating, we went on the tour and took pictures, which I will post when my dad emails them to me. The highlight was after the tour they took me grocery shopping. So that was my last Sunday. And my parents are still mulling my plans over with the brochures I gave them.

Water, water everwhere but not a drop to drink

So it was raining today. I have missed the feeling of being rained on. It feels like a cleansing of the soul, washing away the dirt and muck and darkness. So that you an become all bright and shiny as Meredith would say. I really do enjoy wearing flipflops in the rain. It's carefree feeling. Anyway, rain also caused one to stay inside and sleep, watch movies or actually be studious. I chose the first two activities for the day. It had been a while. Plus it helped me avoid people. I've been around people so much that it was nice to be by myself. I'm especially avoiding one of my housemates. Because I find her to be hypocritical and fake. She cleaned the dining room when I was out and decided to put all the newspapers and magazines in my room. So what's wrong with that you might wonder. Well first, she went into my room with out asking and left the light on. She wasted so much energy leaving lights on. The newspapers are mine but Michelle was using them so I saved them up for her so I put them on the shelf but Shawn evidently thought this looked messy and half the magazines where mine and have a designated place in the living room, but Shawn thought I should take care of them. However Shawn leaves her computer and a couple stacks of papers laying about that is what I would call hypocritical. It is so passive-aggressive to do it that way. So I responded in the same manner by putting them back where the were. And I've been avoiding her for the past week. It's working out pretty well especially since she went home this week because she almost killed one of her patients. I'll be happy to move out of the house come June.

From a lie to a truth

So I finally declared my European Studies major after about a year of me telling people that I was one. So I am now a European Studies and French major. I am amazed at how easy it is to declare a major, just walk from one department to the next with the papers they handed you at the first. So Good! Lately I've been in study mode I have at least read 300 pages the past week. I need to write a paper today too, but I still need to finish the reading for it. Man, why do I have to be a liberal arts major and read so much? Alas, it is a means to end of something I love. Je l'aime! I haven't really been my procrastinating self. It's been good. School is very involved but is surprising less difficult as I imagine it to be. Anyways, back to reading Global Capitalism.

The Zoo!!!

So I was planning on studying in the cool library downtown but instead I went to the zoo. I went with my housemate, Michelle and Jun. It was so much fun. It has been many years since I've been. I think I went with my best friend and her family in 3rd or 4th grade. It was fun to remember of the good old days. Although I don't totally recommend going to the zoo in the winter especially if you are wearing a t-shirt (Poor Jun!) . I tend to hang out with Michelle the most. I love that girl. She is the most relatable of my housemates. She isn't caught up with how things might look and crazy conservative like my other housemates. It's funny to think of my friends now. You don't really pick your friends. It's the people that stick around and one day you realize theses are your close friends. I always though I'd stay in a circle of friends from Everett. But now all my friends are from elsewhere like Jun who's from the Philippines or Shawn and Maria who are from my Dad's hometown. I'm really enjoying how my life is turning out. The zoo is so much better than studying.