A version of melancholy

So I was told melancholy means something different than what I thought. But I still use my own meaning, which is to dwell in the bittersweet memories. I enjoy my melancholy. I think that's why I like emo. Also I tend to have a lot of internal dialogue. I feel sad when I am home alone and feel like I should be out doing something with my life. I feel like slipping through my fingers like sand. But I enjoy feeling these feelings because that's part of what's life about. Also isn't there some quote saying that a life not reflected upon is not a life lived. I believe it is by one of the transcendentalist philosophers. Also I hadn't had one of these melancholy moments in awhile, so I think I've made some progress in my living life to its fullest. So let's take a little inventory of my life. I'm currently hanging out with two guys, who are love interest possibilities. Oh possibility,it is a great word. I feel like my heart got restarted when I went to Cincinnati to visit Ryan, although I originally placed the meaning of it on Ryan and my affection for him. But I think it is broader than that. Lessons were learned, experiences made by that Cincy trip. It put me in the position to be able to seriously let some one in, to actually date someone, which I have wanted to for so long, but could never actually let happen. So we will see what happens in the new year if Cappy or Bulgar end up turning into anything. On the job front, I like being a barista, my efficiency keeps on getting better, and I think I've gotten better at maintaining a good attitude throughout my shift and connecting with customers. However, with the new manager, I am not getting enough hours. She tries and I can see she that any hours that she has to give she does give them to me. So I need to look for another stream of income because I do have the time to take up another job. And I need to put my bitching and whining about money into action. On a side note, I broke my phone a couple weeks ago, so I lost all my numbers, which kind of is a blessing in that it purged me of all the old contacts and I can start with a clean slate and not feel guilt about the people I lost contact with even though I had their number in my phone. So I feel a little unburdened. Well I feel better after writing and coming to these realizations.